At a time when algorithms dictate part of our interactions, the real power remains in the quality of human relationships. Understanding and applying the “Dunbar Number” allows you to create a solid, authentic and lasting network, much more effective than the simple accumulation of contacts.
The pandemic has not only confined our bodies; it has put our most instinctive social rituals under cover. Traditional networking has been abruptly replaced by a mosaic of Zoom windows and saturated LinkedIn feeds. Today, the arena of exchanges has shifted. But in this permanent digital hubbub, a question of professional survival emerges: how to stand out when everyone is shouting in the same virtual room?
The mirage of numbers: LinkedIn versus biology
Let’s look at the facts. An average user on LinkedIn proudly displays over 930 contacts. On paper, it’s an impressive strike force. In reality, it is often a relational desert. Having thousands of connections is of no use if these links are not irrigated by a lasting relationship.
This is where science comes to temper our digital ambitions. Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist and evolutionary biologist at the University of Oxford, has dedicated his life to studying primate behavior to understand our own. His research led him to a compelling conclusion, now famous as “Dunbar’s Number”: 148.
According to him, our brain has a material “cognitive limit”. We are only physically and neurologically capable of maintaining stable, ongoing relationships with around 150 people. And if we zoom in on this figure, the observation is even more intimate: among these 150 contacts, less than 30 are considered close relationships, and only 5 form our first circle of trust. Wanting to defy this limit with automation tools is a bit like trying to fit an ocean into a one-liter bottle: you end up keeping only the foam.
On the vital importance of networking: when the professional meets the personal
Why, then, strive to cultivate this network if our capacity is limited? Because networking is much more than just handing out business cards (or QR codes). It is the art of creating bridges between worlds that ignore each other.
It is fascinating to see how professional and private life intersect in this area. An informal contact, a relationship with an executive from a competing company or a passionate exchange with an expert from a sector completely opposite to yours can, in an instant, change your trajectory. This is what we call the “hidden market” of opportunity. It is estimated today that nearly 80% of management positions and major contracts are never the subject of a public announcement. They are settled in the secrecy of networks, where trust has already been established.
The dilemma: “Surgical” networking or “strategic loitering”?
Faced with this issue, two schools clash. Should we opt for organized networking, planned in advance, or favor free networking, based on chance encounters?
For the modern manager, the temptation to control is strong. We plan our publications, we target our “leads”, we segment our network like we manage an inventory. This is “process” networking. But there is a trap: human relations are not tasks that you check off in a CRM. Too organized, too “calculated” networking ends up showing itself. It lacks this essential salt: authenticity. We do not manage a network of partners like we manage a production line.
Conversely, free networking is part of a more organic vision. It is the ability to seize the moment. It’s this discussion started in the queue for a conference or this sincere comment under a peer’s article that ultimately leads to a major collaboration three years later. Free networking cannot be planned, it must be cultivated. It assumes that mutual interest is built over time, not on an Excel spreadsheet. Like a friendship, a professional understanding cannot be decreed, it is discovered.
Simplicity and honesty: your anti-AI shield
We are living in a pivotal time. Artificial intelligence can now write perfect approach messages, analyze the profiles of your targets and even simulate some empathy. But it can never replace the vibration of a voice, the radiance of a look or the sincerity of disinterested advice.
As a business owner or executive, whatever your industry, never forget this simple truth: quality relationships are never driven exclusively by immediate profit. The strongest networks are those built on reciprocal generosity. Knowing how to approach others without a hidden agenda, knowing how to listen before trying to convince, this is the competitive advantage that many executives have lost along the way.
Networking is a universal practice, known to all, but practiced elegantly by few. It requires fundamental human qualities: curiosity, honesty and patience.
Conclusion: Take back control of your 150
No longer try to reach 10,000 subscribers for the simple pleasure of numbers. Get back to being human. Look at your “Dunbar circle”. Who are these 150 people who count? Who are the 30 with whom you could build the future of your company?
Invest time, real time, not automated message time, in these relationships. Demonstrate these human qualities that make you unique. Build this strong network, not like armor, but like a living ecosystem. If you treat your network with this intellectual honesty, your career and your business will take a turn that you would not even have dared to hope for today. Because in the end, in a world saturated with technology, it is always men who sign contracts.
